Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A Few Older Poems

Here are a few older poems written in the early 90s after the death of my mom & the break up of my first marriage, to Maria. Both have been the subject of quite a bit of my writing, but this is the early stuff. I was so bitter, back then.

The Daisy Field

I walked past the daisy field today
a rock garden
casting shadows on my head
my heart searched for you
lost in haze

But this heart, you see
this heart still has problems
with the way things ended
left me so fast
so unprepared

And who was I to deny
your request that you find rest
traveling the many rivers
of our homeland
and not stay trapped with worms
and things that crawl & squirm

But damn, mom! It might have been nice
to have a place to visit you on lonlier days
to think about those too few years
we were granted together

Now, unless I fly a thousand miles
to find your river home
I'm left to the sterile corners of my room
left to strain for memories--
sometimes I strain so hard
the tears burn me


I sometimes find myself
combing through the ashes
of what we once had
digging, hoping to find something
salvageable amongst all the dead

I search deep and long, longing
too long; because once I find hope
I uncover burning, breathing coals
blue-hot to the touch
remnants of you
burning me, watching me
blister & boil
and catch
until I almost become
one of you
one with you
or whatever happens
when two flames

I know one day I'll accept that there is nothing but pain within the ashes

Clean Rinse

I wash my hands
I wash my hands of you
and everything about you
the little burdens you try to pass off

I wash my hands
I wash my hands of you
scrub beneath the nails
if only I could pluck them off
to be sure the residue
the rest of you
was rinsed deep clean

I wash my hands of you
scrub them to the bone
and even then I scrub & scrub & scrub
until the bright white light of reflection
blinds me!

Is this all the brightness you could give?

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