Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I Promised You a Hate Poem

At least week's Maryland Writers Association, Baltimore Chapter meeting I read a series of hate poems I wrote around twenty years ago following the painful break up of my first marriage. This poetic triptych helped me deal with my emotions and was the basis upon which I established my writing cred in the coffee house reading renaissance taking place at the time. Two of the poems, Embers and Clean Rinse have already graced this blog. You can click on the link to read them, along with Daisy Field, one of the many bits of writing inspired my mother's death.

Below, you can read the harshest of the three hate poems. I hesitated from posting it because of how harsh it is, but this poem, incorporated into a collage, helped me get into art school. Rest assured, I got over the break up of my first marriage long ago an no longer harbor these feelings. I likely owe that, in no small part, to this poem:

Final Letter to Maria

You think you're so fucking slick
with your adoring looks
& your sly touches
all the while pretending
you don't care

You want to confuse me
as if you hadn't hurt me enough
and you hadn't let me fall
a million miles
once you cut me from your web

And I hit hard,
You know I hit hard
shattered to a million pieces,
& now that I'm almost whole again
you want to try and rip me apart

Well, it's not going to work
because I'm being held together
by a force you could never understand:
more complex than your jealousy,
stronger than the smell of your cunt

So you can have the money
you think you deserve
(I've met whores who deserve
more than you) & you can have
my advice in times of utter despair
(Funny, you never wanted it
when I first offered)
but I won't let you have my heart,

Not so you can crush it
between your palms, again
& smear it on the walls, again
like some gory graffiti
for all to see
...besides, it's no longer mine
to give.

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